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[May. 24th, 2007|08:52 am] |
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| |  disappointed | ] |
I'm sitting in the apartment alone, yep alone, wondering what the hell to do. BF left yesterday, while I was gone, supposedly went to his mom's. He quit both jobs, sat around the house Tuesday, and left yesterday. I truly doubt he's really at his mom's as he left in the middle of the day. Had she picked him up it would have been after work, not middle of the day. And since his bestfriend wont talk to him, how'd he get all the way to arab with no car? Unless of course he paid his friend back the 350, with the money from his checks that was supposed to go to rent and bills, but I have yet to see. In fact my account is still -50 and he left 25. That's it $25. For $1200 in bills, a negitive balance already in the account, and $25 is supposed to help me pay what exactly? Even better is that his e-mail no longer works, phone is disconnected from non-payment and I have no way to reach him. All I know is he is in Arab. Honestly don't think he's coming back here-EVER. Said he'll be back next week sometime in the note he left, doubt it. I broke down yesterday. Hugely. Emailed my dad asking for help. Pathetic. After listening to him tell me how stupid I am, and i'm such a freakin failure, he made me "agree" to certain things i'm not happy about. Then sent me to the store to buy food, as this place is empty, get gas, and gave me $40. I'm honestly freaking out. The incredible amount the BF left me with in bills isn't all the money he owes me. No there's the 350 from rent he never paid when he lived with me before, there's the 890 he owes from moving in here. He paid 1 month of bills-that's it and quit his jobs and left. If I do end up moving out of here i'm going home. H-O-M-E. I'm done going thru this shit. |
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| help me!!!!!!!!!!!! |
[Jan. 14th, 2007|08:08 am] |
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OMG FLASH IS IN HEAT AND I'M GOING INSANE. Seriously, meow, meow, meow, meow......And then "i can't walk" act, and the rubbing. There have been so many 'shut up flash' it's incredible. Someone save me? Please? |
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| work... |
[Sep. 21st, 2006|10:48 pm] |
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It's really a series of LONG nights filled with people who, for some reason care nothing about their job, and drive me insane. Ok, over all its the minority. But come on now you chose to care for the elderly-DO IT. It upsets me when I see a call light on for twenty minutes that's not mine, and when I can't take it anymore I GO CHECK IT and it's someone who cant help themselves and has been waiting for no reason-because I can see THAT person who should be taking care of it DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but know that light's been on. It's frustrating. If I was that person lying in that bed for that long asking for help I'D BE PISSED OFF, but they're not-they're completely sweet about everything. "Can you please help me get into my chair?" Of course I can. It's my job. You don't have to wait for an hour to even see me to ask that. It's really fucking ridiculous. |
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| omg i miss them |
[Sep. 18th, 2006|10:22 pm] |
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So....i currently have 5 pups in my back yard. two of which have homes, but no ones come to get them yet (yes its a subject of frustration). my dad-who was so against angel, has two, my sister has one, and her neighbor has one. basically i've parted with all four in my dad's backyard. which i feel ok with. i just miss them very much. the two i left tonight (dad/sisters neighbor's dogs) were hard to leave. i spent my day today playing with the dogs. nice day. so dropping them off after that was hard. i think everyday they spend here is going to make it harder. they now look like lil dogs, still puppies, just more like little labs with long tails and big ears. adorable-every one of them. and the sweetest little things you will ever see. i love them too much. |
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| puppies |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|08:49 pm] |
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omg puppies are fun :) and cute :) and so loveable. i hope they all find good homes. i think i'm a lil over protective of them. but its cuz they deserve the BEST lives possible. we play all the time. i like them. i like how they have angel's temperment. and how she lets everyone eat before she does. and how she's never gotten one bit mean with them. even now when they're big. she's my sweet heart :) i love that dog. how could anyone ever abuse her? that still bothers me. alot. shes my guard dog now when i let her in. i'm happy she trusts me and loves me that much. and that dog loves kids. i had like 6 neighbor kids in my yard yesterday playin with the puppies and she was the best momma in the world. no barking. no growling. in fact i believe she licked every single child in that yard. i cant take them to the pound. i wont take them to the pound. i dislike, i wont say hate, the humane society for not helping me. i think they do wonderful things for animals. but they are choosing not to help my babies. and it upsets me. |
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| .....and it paid off |
[Sep. 6th, 2006|09:01 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
I got a job. Yes. A real job. Making $9.45 not $6 an hour. I work 2-10 at something thats really not hard to do. Just fast-paced non-stop care. I think it'll be rather easy to get past all that stuff that you think of when you hear nursing home. Once you focus on the person, and realize it's not about you, it'll be no problem. I'm actually really happy about this. I didn't think I would be. But i'm excited. And, I get to wear scrubs :). I have a new phone, so I can actually talk to people again. I just lost some numbers, alot of numbers. |
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| FUCK TENDERS |
[Aug. 24th, 2006|10:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
I've had the worst day. Why? After being 1 minute (yes I did say ONE FUCKIN MINUTE) for work the drama began. Yes, i'm venting. I need to vent.
I woke up “on time” today. Got my shit done at home, as I now have 9 lil dogs and their momma that require way too much of my time. But I do it. Because I have to. Because I took Angel in. Because she had puppies. Because i’m responsible for them. I’m exhausted 24/7. But I make it all work the best I can because I HAVE to-don’t have much choice. Their needs (among others-like them running away)? Mushing down dog for so they can eat it (3 times a freakin day). Giving them their meds, so they can get over their Kennel Cough. And making sure everyone is present and ok. All takes over an hour. After that I find some food, get a shower, and get ready/go to work.
Got out the door early today, only to find Chip runnin to my car. I put him back in my yard and after finally finding how he got out, I blocked it off and headed to work. After realizing that I would be a couple minutes late-I CALLED AND LET THEM KNOW. I ended up pullin into the parking lot exactly
at 11, clocked in at 11:01. I took a couple orders and then stole drive-thru from Bri…..
LET THE DRAMA BEGIN:
There’s this “new” guy at work-works in the kitchen. Josh idolizes him. He’s fuckin perfect in his eyes. Which I find fuckin hilarious. Every 7 tenders he builds he forgets the second sauce. He leaves bread off of orders. Basically he can’t build. I can’t count how many of my own orders I had to build myself last week-because he’s completely incapable of building anything for the drive-thru. So today I politely told Josh what the problem was. Not trying to get anyone in trouble-just trying to solve the problem. As his new policy is to come to him, not your fellow coworkers if u have a complaint.
Here’s where it gets really fucked up. After going back into the kitchen he yells at me the following, “Don’t complain about your coworkers not doin their job when you cant even do yours….” What? Excuse me? I’ve been here for a whole fuckin year now. Workin my hardest EVERY SINGLE DAY and make what $6/hr? Fuck that. I deserve better than this shit. I don’t do my job? Ok, I won’t. “You’re late EVERYDAY, how does that look to everyone else? That it’s ok for you to be late?” I’m sorry I’m late. I’m NOT late everyday. And I cant control my being late. “Wake up earlier” wtf? I have babies to care for-I’m up early enough as it is. “Leave earlier” ummmm I do believe I tried that today….didn’t work out now did it? Fuck, be pissed off, write me up, fire me-I DON’T CARE CUZ IT AINT EVEN WORTH WORKIN HERE. Plan on quitting on Monday-no notice. Mother Fucker can find someone else-or god forbid be a cashier. FUCK YOU JOSH, YOU AINT WORTH WORKING FOR. I’M WORTH MORE THAN $6 AN HOUR. IT’D BE NICE TO GET A COMPLIMENT OR SOME/ANY RESPECT. BUT THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN.
I'M SORRY I'M LATE SOMETIMES. I'M SORRY I'M BIPOLAR. I CAN'T CONTROL ANYTHING IN MY LIFE. I HAVE NO CONCEPT OF TIME. MAYBE ONE DAY YOU'LL CARE ENOUGH TO LEARN EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT OF WHAT I HAVE. WAIT, NO YOU WONT. YOU COULD CARE LESS. |
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| Suprises..... |
[Aug. 8th, 2006|07:51 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | stressed | ] |
When did life become so complicated? I'd love to go back in time to being a kid and having no real worries or cares about the world around me. Don't get me wrong-being an adult is GREAT, but it's far from easy. So what's fucked up in my life? Just about everything.
Ahhh. I adopted a dog that "wasn't pregnant" that ended up havin puppies three weeks ago. I LOVE that dog. And I LOVE those pups. But believe me it's gettin expensive. I'm workin through it. I've never once said "damn-I wish I hadn't taken her," she's not a mistake to me. Just an unexpected suprise in every way. The first suprise was taking her in-didn't plan on having a dog here. Second suprise was the pups-but I absolutely adore them, and they will all go to good homes and NOT the pound. While we're on the subject of my lil Angel. It was an nice lil suprise to find her locked up in the pound the other day. Wow. $69 later and she's back home with her babes.
More on the subject of animal suprises is Flash. When an ex moves out and leaves an animal behind it becomes yours. Lesson learned. I love the cat, I really do, but he never finished gettin her shots or havin her spayed. I really don't need a litter of kittens right now. But Tink loves Flash as her own lil baby and I can't break that cat's heart by removing Flash. Hell, I think it would break my heart if something ever happened to Flash. Between the two cats (kittens rather), the dog, and her pups i'm up to 12 animals runnin around here like mad. Alot of animals to feed and care for and alot of time spent on it all. It's pretty much my life right now. But it's okay. It's not a bad life to have at the moment.
So I mentioned the ex. This is hell. I still love him. He doesn't live here anymore. It's over. It needs to be over. I need to move on. But it's hard as hell to. I see Flash and think of him. It doesn't help he calls me constantly. Most calls I don't pick up anymore. But I still get the voicemail. And, as i've already stated, Flash is going NOWHERE. Her home is here. I just need to think of her and not him when I look at her.
All of this has stressed me out COMPLETELY. But things only get worse before they get better. What could possibly be worse? My brother. I have an "interesting" family you could say. I wont go all into them right now, or our past problems. I'll try to stick to my current problem.
In January my brother called and told me, "Bitch you're dead to me." Nice right? Needless to say he's been out of my life since then. No calls. No visits. Out of my life. And honestly, it's kinda nice not dealing with all his drama anymore. But that's changed. My dad owns the house I live in. I currently (due to the ex moving out) live alone. My dad has decided to move my wonderful brother back in. My response? Hell no. My life has been normal, stable, since he's been out. I'm not giving that up. Since I have no say in the matter. And my dad could honestly care less. I'm moving back home. Let's face it, why am I here anyways? Yes I have GREAT friends. The best anyone could be lucky enough to have. But I moved here for two reasons: school, and to try to get to know my dad (for the first time in my life). Well, i'm not in school. And i've seem exactly how my dad really is, the good and bad. I miss home. I miss my mom, and my rott. Why put myself back through all the hell I went through before when I don't have to? I have no options here. I don't make enough to move elsewhere around here. I can barely pay bills as it is now. So my problem: do I stay or do I go? It's complicated either way. And I hate making this decision. And if I go, how do I afford the move? And who (animals) do I take back with me? I'm lost. I'm confused. I don't know what to do. |
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| New |
[Aug. 6th, 2006|09:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | HOME | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
So i gave in.....lets see how it all works. hmmmm |
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